


Second Reality

by WolfAndHound_Archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Resurrection, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-03
Updated: 2004-12-08
Packaged: 2018-05-18 02:04:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5893942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WolfAndHound_Archivist/pseuds/WolfAndHound_Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sirius Black woke up from a coma, after he fell through a veil in his dreams. He was not a wizard, but instead, he was a ...?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Second Reality

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Lassenia, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Wolf and Hound](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Wolf_and_Hound), which was created to make stories posted to the Sirius_Black_and_Remus_Lupin Yahoo! mailing list easier to find. However, even though I still love the fandom, I am no longer active in it and do not have the time to maintain it. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in December 2015. I posted an announcement with Open Doors, but we may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on the [Wolf and Hound collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/wolfandhound/profile).

Beautiful white crystals shattered into many pieces. Sirius Black watched, in morbid fascination at how the sparkling bits of magical aura seemed to surround him as he fell through the veil. The pain in his chest was ebbed into a numbing sensation; the voices of his lover and godson were nothing but a muffled whisper in this dense environment.

Where was he going? Was he dead? Sirius wondered, realizing only then that these questions were of no importance in his mind. He was comfortable here, sheltered and protected, as if in a mother's womb. Suddenly, a bright white light enveloped his surroundings and blinded him. A gentle hand tugged at his arm, urging him onto some strange, unfamiliar place where he ought to be in.

A vision slowly unraveled himself before his eyes. He watched, like a moviegoer, as a distant part of his memory dredged itself forward.

Young Sirius Black leaned back on his elbow and watched the deep, emotive amber eyes of his lover. His long slender fingers were playing with Remus' hair, watching in awe how the thin smooth strands seemed to slip through his digits, like sand.

"What are we now, Sirius?" Remus asked.

Sirius remembered this piece of memory well enough. It was his first night with Remus, the night where they had lost their virginity to each other. He could remember exactly what he had said then. In a way, he was glad he had said what he said. He had not broken any of his promises to his lover.

"What do you mean?"

"Are we friends, lovers...or what? What promise hold us to each other, Sirius?"

The dark haired wizard watched his younger self sighed and propped himself higher up on his elbows, just how he had done so many years ago.

"I can promise you many things."

"But..." Sirius mouthed, repeating to himself the words he had spoken to the love of his life when he was younger. "I can't promise you forever."

"All I have for you now is my love, my attention, my passion, my desire and all that I can ever give. I don't know if this will change, or which one of us will leave the other. All I have is the present and everything that it encompasses. Are you willing to take that?"

Young Sirius bit on his lower lip nervously. He had laid out himself and his heart in the bare, waiting for his best friend, the one he was secretly in love with for the past five years, to read out his sentence and lower the judge's gavel.

Before Sirius could see young Remus' reply for the second time, he was pulled roughly from the pleasant emptiness and thrown into sudden awareness. A searing pain broke out from his lower back and from inside his head. Sirius squeezed his eyes shut against the light and tightened his fingers around the small hand in his.

Wait...a hand in his?

A light touch tenderly swept over his forehead, pushing wayward locks of jet-black hair away from his face.

"Wake up, Padfoot...please..."

Sirius wanted to bolt up on his bed upon hearing the strangled voice, choked with grief and tears. His mate was hurting, and he was the only one who could help. With a significant amount of effort, Sirius forced his eyes open and looked straight into the beautiful face of Remus Lupin.

"Moony..." His throat was hoarse, as if somebody had just rubbed sandpaper hard against it. But the pain was worth it. Anything was worth it to see an expression of pure happiness and relief spreading across Remus' face. It was as though the entire room had brightened suddenly.

Sunlight shone in from the window in the hospital ward, highlighting the dried silver tear streaks on those perfectly sculpted cheeks.

"I'll...I'll call the doctor, Sirius." Remus turned to run out of the room, only to be stopped by Sirius' tight grip around his wrist.

"Just...ring the bell. Don't leave me alone...Moony."

+++

He was in St Mungo's, or at least, he thought he was in. It made sense; he was in a hospital, doctors and nurses rushing around from one room to another. The only thing that had not made sense to him was the irritating beep of a strange mechanism by his bed.

Remus was outside, talking to the doctor about his condition. Sirius did not understand why it could not be said in front of him. But since his lover had re-entered the room with a brilliant smile on his face, Sirius assumed it could not be anything bad.

"Moony, mind shutting that thing up?" Sirius whined, gesturing weakly at the maddening oscilloscope.

"I can't..." Remus started only to be interrupted by the sound of the door opening. A bespectacled man with messy black hair dashed into the room almost angrily, followed by a demurely beautiful woman with bright green eyes. The man marched straight towards Sirius and slapped him lightly across the face.

"What the hell happened to you, Padfoot? You worried the hell out of Lily and me."

"James...Lily...?" Sirius choked, unable to believe his eyes. What a strange dream he was having. James and Lily were dead. Voldemort killed them!! "How can it be...you are dead..."

That comment earned him another light slap across the face.

"Damn, Sirius, is cursing us the first thing you think of doing?" James chided. Lily frowned and was about to add something when the door opened again. A teenage boy came running into the room and threw himself on Sirius.

"Sirius!" Harry shouted, ruffling up his godfather's hair happily. Sirius blinked, his brain working hard to take in the information. James and Lily were alive? What happened to Peter then? Bellatrix? Voldemort?!

"Hey, take it easy, Harry?" Remus smiled, prying the boy off the bed.

"Don't, Moony." James rolled his eyes, arms akimbo while staring down at his best friend. "He deserved it. You are the one who decide to fall off the stairs, what makes you think Lily and I will die? Out of grief? Ha!"

Nevertheless, Remus got Harry off and pushed him towards Lily, who tenderly put her arms around her son's shoulders.

Sirius was confused. But he was not about to ask questions. He remembered fighting Bellatrix, falling behind the veil etc. So, he did the next thing that made sense. He pinched himself.

"Ouch!"

"What was that for?" Lily cried out.

"Just making sure that I'm not dreaming." He was not. What did this mean? James and Lily were alive, Remus was still his lover, and Harry was happy and well fed. So...Sirius took another look at the hospital room he was in. On the other bed, a nurse was preparing a syringe for another patient. Wizards never used syringes. Only muggles did. The dark haired man knew what that machine next to him was. It was a CRO. Wizards never used CRO, only muggles did.

If everything was as he suspected, then there was only one way to find out...

"Harry," Sirius turned to his godson with a smile. "How's school? You are taking your exams this year, right?"

"Oh, Sirius, is that the first thing you think of?" Harry groaned, smacking his forehead in a dramatic gesture. "Hermione never stopped reminding me that O Levels are just around the corner."

O Levels...not O.W.L.S...

Sirius gave a quick glance at the rest of his friends for any strange expression towards what the boy had just said. None.

Of course...there was no such thing as magic, right? So...whatever that had happened, it was just a dream or a very long and painful nightmare. In reality, James and Lily were not dead. Because there was no such thing as magic, no Dark Lords...

And he was just...Sirius wrecked his brain for memories of his life. He was just a...


	2. Chapter Two

2 Days After Sirius' Discharge Remus wrapped his arms around Sirius' neck and pressed his body against his. Amber eyes fluttered close and Remus leaned down for a kiss, only stopping when he realized how tense Sirius had become.

He let his arms drop back to his sides and stared hard into his lover's dark sapphire eyes, pain and hurt radiating off his lithe frame. Without saying a word, Remus walked out of the living room and into another, slamming the door shut.

Sirius pulled out a chair and slumped heavily on it. He had messed up big time now, had he not? In his dream, which was so vivid that it was disconcerting, he had not been friends with Remus for twelve years. Even while he was hiding at Remus', keeping out of the way of the dementors, they had kept their distance. Sirius sighed and rested his forehead against he cool glass surface of the table. He had let a stupid dream ruined his love life.

The man snapped upright when he heard the door click open. Remus jingled the keys in one hand and came out dressed in a simple suit with his briefcase in the other hand. His eyes were rimmed red, as if he had been trying hard not to cry.

"We need to talk, Remus," Sirius croaked, trying to let in as much sincerity into his voice as possible. Remus lowered his head, covering his face with his long fringe and nodded.

"I need to go to the doctor, Sirius. We'll talk when I'm back."

"I'll go pick you up?'"

"I have classes to teach after that, Padfoot." Remus was looking at Sirius with a strange look in his eyes, as if not believing that his lover could have forgotten that after so many years of them living together. Sirius swallowed.

"I mean, I'll pick you up at school?"

Remus fixed his lover with another look before leaving. Sirius heaved a sigh of relief. There was something seriously wrong with him. (No pun intended.) He seemed to be suffering from amnesia. For example, he could find his way around his apartment without any problems if he did not think about it. Once he stopped to check on what he was doing, he was lost.

Sirius shook his head and walked into his bedroom. He wondered why Remus needed to go to the doctor's for. But it would not be wise to ask.

He opened a desk in his drawer and took out his journal. How could he explain to Remus that he could hardly remember anything about their life together? The journal would have to do.

So far, in the past two days when Remus was not at home, Sirius had spent his time reading his own diary, hoping that the little leather bound book could tell him more about his life than his memories could.

He had found out many interesting things. For one, he was Sirius Black, the rising star in the entertainment industry. He started out as a model a few years ago and was currently working on his debut album as a rock star. The posters of him decorating his living room walls had said as much.

He met Remus in boarding school when they were kids, fell in love and later lived together after graduation. They were lovers ever since. Remus Lupin returned to teach at the school, but was not willing to live in the dormitories like the rest of the staff because of Sirius.

Sirius smiled. It seemed that their relationship was still going strong even after so long. That stupid thing he did just now when Remus kissed him was really, really stupid.

He flipped to the last entry he read and flopped down on the bed. There was still time until school ends. Before that, he would read, and maybe doll himself up a little before bringing Remus out for a romantic dinner. A little make up sex would not hurt either.

+++

Sirius tied his flurry bathrobe around himself and walked out of the shower. He loved his showers. They were probably the best thing mankind had ever invented. He toweled his long black hair dry with a smile on his face and turned to walk out of the bathroom.

He stopped in shock in front of the mirror. In place of his reflection was a large black dog.

"Padfoot..."

Sirius rubbed his eyes. This was impossible. He told himself. I must be dreaming. He opened his eyes again.

To his horror, instead of the Grim, he saw a dark figure approaching him from behind. A cold bony hand placed itself on his shoulder when the cloaked figure got close enough. He turned around and saw the dementor lowering his hood to kiss him.

The Dementor's Kiss...

He screamed.

+++

Sirius threw the person off him. It took him a moment or two to realize that he was on his bed, seemingly just woken up from a dream. But that kiss...it felt too real.

He quickly bolted up to check who he had just thrown off his bed onto the floor. He sincerely hoped it was not Remus. Sirius glanced at the person on his floor, his breath hitched a little in surprise.

"Bellatrix? What the hell are you doing here? How the hell did you get into my house?"

His cousin picked herself off the carpet and brushed the lint off her expensive clothes. She looked so different. Sirius had indeed forgotten a lot of things. For one, he felt as if he was seeing his cousin in something else other than those shapeless cloaks he saw in his dream. He had not seen his cousin dressed only in a pair of black pantyhose and on the floor of his bedroom. Period.

Bellatrix examined her panty hose to make sure they had not tore when she was tossed off. After being absolutely sure, she smiled seductively at Sirius and crawled onto the bed, looking exactly like a big cat on the prowl.

"Why, Sirius...you gave me a key, remember? Boy, that accident must have unhinged you more than I thought." Long manicured fingers traveled up Sirius' thigh, stopping at his crotch to stroke his clothed member lightly. Sirius jerked away.

"No, I don't remember. And I think you should leave, Bellatrix."

The dark haired woman stared hard at the man, looking positively taken aback by the obviously unexpected reaction.

"I don't think so, Sirius Black. Just a week ago you were pounding me into the mattress on this bed!"

A dull thud from the door made both of them to look up. Remus stood there, one hand on the doorknob and his briefcase on the floor. He was hurting.

The brunette forced a smile at the two on his bed, trying hard to control the impulse of not dashing forward, pull Bellatrix off his lover and later tossed the adulterous pair out of the window.

"Hi, Remus," Bellatrix leaned forward and pressed her well-endowed breasts against the still stunned Sirius. "Nice to see you. Was just paying my lover a visit."

The smile disappeared from Remus' face.

"What a surprise," he said with mock courtesy. "So am I." He picked up his briefcase and marched out of the room, not even bothering to close the door behind him.

Sirius pushed the scantily clad woman off him and ran out after Remus. The front door was open. Without thinking, Sirius rushed out of it. He finally caught up with his lover at the lift lobby, about to walk into the lift.

Sirius slammed his hand against the metal door and held it there before it closed.

"Remus, listen to me. It's not what it seems."

"I've heard enough, Sirius. I was waiting for you at the school gates, expecting you to appear with Shadow or whatever car that caught your fancy today. You weren't there because you were at home riding something else, or rather, someone else on our bed! That's more than enough, Sirius. I don't care who you fuck in the studio, may it be the make up artist, your hairdresser or hell, even the coffee boy. But at least let me pretend I don't know about them, alright?"

"Sirius?" Bellatrix stood at the end of the corridor, smiling coyly at the two men, dressed still in her panty hose and a shirt Sirius recognized as his own.

The tears Remus was trying so hard to hold back spilled at last. He pushed Sirius away from the door and jabbed hard on the `door close' button.

"Good bye, lover." He whispered.


	3. Chapter Three

"There you are!" Remus did not look back, knowing who it was that just found him sitting on the ledge of the roof, wondering if he should jump off this very instance and end his miserable existence.

A click and the feel of cold metal around his wrist got his attention though.

"There!" James shouted triumphantly, brandishing their cuffed hands with a smirk on his face. "Now you can't just jump without pulling me down with you. I'll have to warn you against that though: Lily will be very, very upset with you if you do."

"Knew it was bad news the day they let you into the force." Remus let out a bitter chuckle, and went back to looking at the dark night, at the bright star twinkling mockingly at him.

"How did you find me?" He asked.

James' smile melted from his face. He was worried for his friend. Sirius had called him, sounding terribly frantic and possibly in tears, yelling at him to help search for Remus. Here he found his childhood friend, literally sitting at the edge of life and death.

"Sirius called me. I just thought I'd find you here. We used to sit out here at the roof of the Gryffindor Tower and talked the night away, remember? "

Remus nodded. "Both of us, Sirius and Peter." The young man attempted a reluctant smile. Things had changed so much between them. Once they had been young, so full of hope. Now, he could not even cry when he had wanted so much to. Sirius and he had been lovers for years. He loved the man. He loved his bad boy attitude, his impulsivity, and his clean-cut good looks that had once sent so many hearts fluttering and as a matter of fact, still do. He loved that charming smile that had wheedled the four friends out of a teacher's wrath almost all the time.

He loved Sirius Black. But was it returned?

"Why don't you leave him, Remus?" James suddenly said. He had seen how Remus had willingly made a doormat of himself when Sirius was around. After they graduated, James and Peter joined the force while Sirius jumped straight into modeling. There was no news of Remus. The boy had not kept in contact with them at all. It was almost as if Remus Lupin had been wiped off the surface of the earth totally. Even when Peter died in crossfire, Sirius and he had no idea how to invite Remus to the funeral.

They used to think Remus was happily in France with his parents, working alongside with his father in the Cabinet. It was until a few years later when they realized the entire family had been discredited in a political scandal, the Lupins executed while their only son remained missing. Sirius was distraught then. It was a good one-month before the man could get back to his feet and continue working again.

Then, two years later, Sirius announced his engagement to Remus Lupin.

"I can't, James." Remus lowered his head, amber eyes bright from unshed tears. "I owed him everything I have. I can't leave him."

James cocked his head and eyed his friend suspiciously.

"You know, Moony, you never told us what happened during the time when you were lost to the world."

A tear trickled down Remus' well-defined jaw line. It was silent.

+++

It was getting late. Remus pulled his jacket closer to himself and leaned back against the cold grimy alley wall. It was late and he was desperate. It was a cold winter night and unless he fancied sleeping on a park bench that night, he had better find himself a trick. Quick.

Five years on the streets had taught him humility. He was a wanted man; that fact had not changed even after crossing the English Channel. He could not turn to his friends for help. No, he had not much of a career choice if he truly wanted to feed himself. Pride was definitely not edible.

Drunken laughter and unsteady footsteps echoed down the alleyway. Remus tucked a stray lock of hair behind his ear, forcing himself to smile as invitingly as he could while the stranger approached him. When had you degrade yourself to this level, Remus Lupin? He mentally chided himself. Valedictorian of Hogwarts whoring himself on the streets, what would Dumbledore say to that?

His potential `client' had long dark hair, but his face was still hidden in the shadows. Reminding himself of his job, Remus cocked an eyebrow seductively and was about to offer him his `services' when the stranger stepped into the light.

Oh God! Amber eyes widened in shock. It was Sirius Black.

Relax, Remus. He told himself that and stared straight into those deep blue orbs he had not seen for so long. Sirius was looking back at him with half lidded eyes. He's totally smashed, Remus realized.

It was a consolation of some sort. Whatever that happened or would happen that night; it was unlikely that Sirius would remember it the next morning. Just treat it as a brief respite.

"How much for a night?" Sirius' speech was slurred. He hung his arm around Remus' shoulders, his free hand caressing those soft lips before he captured them with his mouth. He pressed himself up against the brunette and plundered that gorgeous mouth relentlessly.

Too good, that was the thought that ran through Sirius' mind then. Alcohol had dulled his senses enough to let him see the hooker as his childhood friend. The shy, but intelligent boy he had fallen in love with so many years ago.

Can't stop...God, I missed you, Remus...

~~~

They tumbled onto the mattress together, frantically pulling their clothes off, hands touching whenever they could reach. At the back of Sirius' mind, it was as if Remus was indeed there with him. It was not a whore he paid to share his bed that night. It was Remus Lupin. No whore would or could respond to his touches with as much passion as this man was doing.

He pushed this stranger onto the moth-eaten mattress and crawled up onto of him. Sirius attacked the throat that was bared for him with the ferocity of a predator. It had been too long. He had kept this burning feeling he held for his friend for too long. He inhaled the musky scent deeply. Beneath the cheap cologne, it was Remus.

They made love as if there were no tomorrow. This was only one stolen night in an hourly rate cheap motel that would dissolve into vague memories the next day.

"I love you, Remus Lupin," Sirius whispered, not noticing the tension in his lover at his words before collapsing beside the warm body on the bed, giving in to drunken oblivion.

Remus pushed himself up on his elbows and looked down at his friend. Black fine strands of wayward hair framed that beautifully innocent face in sleep. Remus reached out his hand to trace his fingers across closed eyelids tenderly.

"I love you too, Sirius Black." He whispered. But only the night was there to hear him.

~~~

After that night, Remus never really expected to see Sirius again. But his friend returned the next day to the alley, cold sober and smiling at him with a look of wonder and relief spreading across his handsome face.

"So, it was really you," Sirius breathed. Remus backed towards the wall like a trapped animal. He had no idea what to say to this, how to respond to this new unexpected change in his life. He told himself he would survive this, this life of sex, alcohol and drugs if Sirius and James would not find him. But how could he survive this now?

So, Remus did the only thing he knew how. He pretended.

He cocked his head to one side, leaning his weight on one leg seductively. He smiled.

"Hi, Sirius. Glad you came. You forgot to pay me last night."

Sirius was shocked. But he played along. If Remus did not want to face up to whatever that was confessed the night before, Sirius would wait.

"How much...?" Sirius asked, taking out his wallet and shoved a wad of cash into Remus' outstretched hand. "How much can this get me?"

Remus took a quick count of the bills. "The rest of this week. I get to be your rent boy for the next three days." He answered reluctantly. He did not want to stay so close to Sirius. He wanted the other man to look at him with disgust in his eyes and walked away from him. They would both then return to their life the way they had been.

He was afraid. He was afraid by the end of the week; he did not want to leave. He still had that amount of pride left. There was no way he would beg for help from Sirius, no matter how much he wanted to.

Sirius nodded and held out his hands.

"Come on," he pulled Remus along to the main street. "My car's out there."

"What happened to Shadow?" Remus could not help but ask. That bike had been Sirius' pride and joy. He once said if he could make the bike fly, he would. He would never sell that.

"At home." Sirius tossed a grin at his old friend. It was like back where they were in school, understanding what the other meant with no words, only a small gesture, or a look in the eyes. Remus watched Sirius' face fall when the message could no longer get through.

They had changed. How he wished they had not.

~~~

Just like what Remus had suspected, by the end of that week, he did not want to leave. Sirius had been nothing if not loving for those three days. He took leave off work to bring Remus around London, doing normal things like visiting amusement parks, doing grocery shopping etc. Never once was Remus reminded of the real reason why he was there. Sirius kept to his side of the bed at night, but when morning comes, Remus would either find himself enjoying breakfast in bed or having a pair of strong arms holding him, making him feel secure, protected, as if nothing would go wrong.

It was the last day of their agreement. Remus sat silently on the couch, watching the flames flickered and licked at the fireplace. He did not want to leave. For these three days, Sirius had shown him how his life could have been, if only he gives in and accept his friend's charity. But no, his pride would not allow it.

"I have a gift for you, Moony," Remus looked up and smiled at his friend. It was a genuine smile. Sirius held out a small jeweler's box in his hand and sat down on the couch beside Remus. The brunette took it over with trembling hands, and hesitantly opened the box. He gasped.

There, resting on the soft white cushions, were two identical rings made out of white gold. The ring was simple, but beautiful in its simplicity. A thin black ring of obsidian was encased around the band, running between the white gold. On the inside, the same words were inscribed: `Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow and Forever"

"Stay with me?" Sirius pleaded earnestly.

+++

"You could have came to Lily and I for help, Remus?" James asked. It was no wonder why Remus could not leave Sirius. Not after he saved him from such a life.

"You would have to arrest me first. I was an illegal immigrant, remember?" Remus replied bitterly. There were more reasons why he could not leave Sirius.

Sirius was the one who persuaded Dumbledore not to question his sudden disappearance for five years and to hire him as a teacher in Hogwarts. Sirius was the one who pulled strings so that he could have a legal identity and leave his life in peace in England. Sirius was the one who had given his life back to him. In the same away, Sirius could take it away from him.

He was a coward. So much for being an adult, Remus thought. He could not even walked out of the house knowing that he had the choice of not returning.

In these years that they had been together, Remus turned a blind eye to Sirius' philandering ways. It was part and parcel for being in the entertainment circle, Remus reminded himself. Sirius still loved him, despite his actions.

But that did not erase the fact that he was a whore, that his first meeting with Sirius after they graduated was a loveless transaction. The only difference between now and then was that he was only a whore to one man instead of many.

"Go back, James. I'll be fine."

"You sure?"

Remus nodded. "I'll just sit out here for a while longer."


	4. Chapter Four

The house was dark when Remus returned. And silent. Not that he was expecting anything more. It was wistful thinking that Sirius would be waiting for him at home.

The smell of cigarette smoke was heavy in the air. Remus wiped his shoes on the welcome mat with irritation, as he thought about the amount of work he would have to do to get the smell out of the carpets and cushions the next day. Perhaps he should start tonight. He certainly was not in the mood to sleep, especially not after what he saw occurring on that bed.

He placed his shoes neatly on the rack next to the door and flicked the light switch on. A soft murmur came from the couch as Sirius threw a hand over his face to block out the light. Remus stood at the door, startled with shock that Sirius was indeed waiting for him.

The figure on the couch stiffened for a moment, and then peeked a look from under his arm at the door.

"You are back!" Sirius exclaimed, relief flooding his tired face. He quickly uncurled himself from the cushions, and hurried to the door, taking care not to step on the overflowing ashtray and various empty beer cans he had left on the floor.

Gingerly, Sirius took Remus into his arms, giving the other man enough space either to stay or to push him away again. Remus hesitated for a moment, before embracing his lover as well.

Sirius almost cried. He was forgiven. Remus might still walk out of the house again, but at least right now, Sirius knew he was coming back.

"I didn't expect you to wait up," Remus said softly, enjoying the sensation of being held so protectively in his lover's arms. Sirius had not done that for years...the gesture reminded him of how it was like between them years ago.

"I was afraid," Sirius confessed, knowing that Remus probably needed this moment as much as he did. "I was afraid that you are not coming back."

Remus nodded. He sensed sincerity in Sirius' words. Perhaps things would change for the better. Sirius had not been behaving like himself since his coma. He seemed nicer, somehow. More like how he was like when they were still in school, when he still looked at and treated Remus like he was God's gift to him, like he was unworthy of the affections of such an angel.

Or perhaps they would return to square one when morning comes. The dawn might break this spell as the sun rises. But at least they could have this moment in time for love.

They remained in each other's arms for a long, long time.

+++

Sirius Black loved his life. He entered the building in the morning, not particularly early, just late enough to make Remus frown slightly, and was currently enjoying the attention he was receiving. All around, people were staring at him and whispering behind his back, looking as if they were withholding the impulse to throw themselves at his feet, spread a red carpet on the floor for him and beg for a chance to lick his boots clean. All this attention should have make him a little more than uncomfortable, but on the contrary, he felt good. He felt very good. In his dream (or nightmare, he have yet to figure out where to slot that one, seeing that it had both its good and bad times) he had been a runaway convict, making use of his magical ability to morph into a huge bear-like dog to avoid capture.

Sirius shook his head bemusedly. He must have been reading too many of Harry's books...what series was that called? Animorphs?

He had only the most vague memories of this building, but thankfully, his legs could remember what his mind could not. Soon he found himself in front of a black door with his name on it. His office, he would assume.

He put his hand on the knob, was about to enter when he heard someone, or a couple of someones behind it.

"Don't you ever get tired of this, Regulus? Appearing at Sirius' office and generally making a pest of yourself?" A female voice sighed in exasperation, as if its owner was truly sick and tired of dealing with Regulus all these while.

"Maybe, maybe not. What really baffles me is why my brother would give up the entire family business to pursue this crass entertainment nonsense."

Sirius knew that voice. He smiled to himself, turned the knob and walked into the room.

"Oh, Regulus, what an unpleasant surprise to see you here." He grinned at his brother before giving the lady in the room a polite nod. "Enough, Nymphadora, I'll take over from now on."

Nymphadora Tonks breathed a sigh of relief and made her way to the door. "Sirius, you have a session at Studio 7 at eleven later. Don't be late again," she warned, although the cheerful smile on her face had spoilt the intended effect totally. "And by the way, the name is Tonks!"

She slammed the door.

"Woman," Sirius shrugged. "Remind me again why I'm gay?" He slumped down onto his office chair, leant back and began exploring the paraphernalia on his desk with his eyes, waiting for his brother to speak up.

"Brother, when are you going to see the folly of your ways?" Regulus started.

The model-turned-rock-star picked up a framed photo from his desk, smiling at the two familiar faces in the photo. For some reason he had half expected to see the picture moving, and then realized he was being silly about that dream of his again.

"When are you going to see the folly of your ways, Regulus?" Sirius did not even look up to see the expression on Regulus' face. He traced his finger across the clay canines locked in a playful battle at the end of the frame, staring into Remus' warm honey gold eyes from the picture. It was a photo of them two, he with his arms around his lover's waist, hugging him tightly from behind and Moony trying to feed him his ice cream cone when all he was interested in licking was a perfectly curved seashell ear.

That frame...Remus made that frame, insisting on making it with his bare hands the Muggle way instead of using magic...

The hand on his shoulders startled him back into reality. Sirius blinked repeatedly, trying to clear the mist in his head while deep blue eyes so similar to his own stared into his worriedly.

"Brother? Sirius?" Regulus asked, shaking the other man gently. "You there?"

Sirius shakily nodded, still rather disoriented with where his mind had drifted. Magic? Muggle? Where had that come from?

"I think I should leave now." Regulus picked up his briefcase from the chair where he had left it and walked to the door. "Brother," he said, back facing Sirius. "Come home for dinner some day, alright? We... I missed you."

Sirius leant his head against the armchair, watching his younger brother exit his office. "I know you do, Regulus. But they don't."

+++

He entered the studio at twelve. Sirius swore he was expected to turn up late and it was not good to do things against expectations. When he swaggered into that studio, the rest of his band mates were standing around, drinking coffee and indulging in idle chitchat.

"Hey, chap, glad you're back!" Bill Weasley was the first one to notice Sirius. The redhead swung himself off the high leather stool and pulled Sirius into a brotherly embrace. His long red hair was tied in a wispy ponytail, dark red kohl lining his eyes, giving them a dangerously seductive look. He smirked when he released the vocalist and went straight to where the bass guitar was.

"Now that our dear Sirius is finally back, can we get on with it!" It was a command, not a question. Tonks shook her head at the bandleader, grabbed her drumsticks and tested a 16 beat on the drums.

Sirius looked around the studio and marveled.

The studio was totally carpeted, from the floor to the walls to the ceilings, to keep out the noise, except for a single full-length mirror on the wall furthest in the room, facing the door. From the left of the entrance was a full set rock drums, with its bass, snare and high hats, and Tonks sitting behind it, hands raised with the sticks leisurely clenched. The Weasley brothers were on the right, fiddling with their guitars and amplifiers, making the routinely check on their instruments to make sure they were tuned the way they wanted it. It was hard to tell the twins apart, when both of them were playing the guitars, until they started playing. Fred played rhythm and George took the lead.

Bill Weasley was the bandleader, with a guitar strapped over his shoulders. He was playing the bass guitar, unlike his brothers; his instrument was longer, sleeker and had two strings less than the twins'.

In the middle of the room was a mike fixed on its stand. Sirius moved towards it almost automatically, his right hand rising to wrap its fingers around the cold metal surface. This was familiar. If he had closed his eyes, he would have remembered himself doing this, over and over again. This was what he loved, this was his passion, and this was music.

"All right, gentlemen and lady," Bill bowed his head slightly at Tonks. " 'Second Reality.'"

Sirius closed his eyes. The beat was on.

"I can not hear but I'm not deaf I find the sense between the lines I don't even understand what I hear I cannot tell but I'm not dumb I use more than words to speak I don't even understand what I say"

"How can I live this identity?"

"When I look into the mirror I see myself sometimes I see me twice The one that grows the other dies But who am I now? I don't even know myself So how could I distinguish from someone else? I can not tell this pain with words"

"How can I leave this identity? Inside I live"

"Deep inside of me - second reality Live beside my dreams - my own reality Deep inside of me - I am lost with my fantasy Live inside of me - my destiny"

"Now I see the blind man said, there is a light at the end of the floor. Someone sits right there in the corner. I look at him, he looks at me, he looks like me, and he is I. I'm no longer afraid. I found what I searched for so long. I found myself... I live "

"There has my world gone. I feel you..."

"Deep inside of me - second reality Live beside my dreams - my own reality Deep inside of me - I am lost with my fantasy Live inside of me - my destiny"

" To feel, to see, to smell, to taste, to hear, These are my senses, I need no words "

"This is my world where words are nothing worth I have my mind where I find that words make blind I am myself no one else - my reality This is my world where words are nothing worth"

"Now that I've found myself I'm more than someone else I don't need any words Now that I've gone this far I break out of my jar I tell you without words The uselessness of words"

The instrumental continued, Sirius continued, swaying to the music, losing himself with the magic, the misty lack of reality and paradisiacal quality of his life. Perfect, this was perfection; nothing could be as perfect as this. A life with no Dark Lords, no magic, no deaths and betrayals, no Azkaban... he never wanted to wake up from this dream.

"SIRIUS!! HE'S NOT DEAD, NO! LET ME GO! I TELL YOU-HE'S NOT DEAD!"

Sirius's eyes flew open in shock. He was looking into the mirror, facing the mirror and not seeing himself. He saw Harry, dressed in black wizarding robes, a wand in his hand while Remus was holding him back frantically, hiding the unshed tears in his eyes. Remus... he looked older than Sirius remembered seeing him that morning. The silver hair that marred his otherwise youthful appearance, and the thin body that had seen too much sorrows and monthly tortures; Sirius remembered that Remus better than he had ever remember the lover he had left at home. His lycanthropy had taken much out of him, but it had also made him who he was. It made him Moony.

In the mirror... that perfect dream, or that flawed existence, which was real and which was not? Which was the image and which was its reflection?

Around him, the music stopped. Sirius reached out towards the mirror. Harry inside that mirror was screaming, still screaming, distraught tears running down his childish face. The scar on his forehead was flushed red, as if it was going to reopen and bleed any moment.

That scar! Harry had gotten that scar when Lily and James died... but they were not dead, were they?

The mirror splintered into many pieces before his eyes. Each of the shards was carrying the image of a crying Harry and a Remus trying to save himself and his godson from breaking.

+++

"Sirius! What are you doing?"

Sirius turned at the sharp tug at his elbow. Bill was shaking him frantically. "Earth to Sirius!"

He blinked. "Bill?" He glanced at the mirror again. There was nothing. The mirror was not broken, and all he saw was just his reflection. Just a normal mirror, just a normal reflection... just normal...

"Yea? Sirius, you okay? You looked like you blanked out there for a moment."

The vocalist swallowed an imaginary lump in his throat and looked at the mirror again. "I guess I did."

His ears were still ringing. Not from the incessant loud violent beat of Tonks' drunks, but from Harry's tormented screams...

"SIRIUS!!"


End file.
